Waldo

Waldo continues to work his last-minute antics, and this time it may cost him…

The stuff he was supposed to have printed on Friday afternoon wasn’t ready when I went into the office Saturday afternoon.  In response to my call, he claimed there was a “misunderstanding.”  He would have them ready before my 6 a.m. flight Sunday.  Uh-huh.  “Why don’t you send me a message when you’re done?”  I was really thinking: “Bite me.  Like I need to get up any earlier?”

The stack of photocopied lead sheets and a small picture was waiting for me.  The thing that struck me was how utterly fucking trivial the work was: lead generation forms on half-pages (so two per page), no perforation.  He could have easily done them on the office copier and use the office machete to cut them.  Or, if the vellum paper was truly necessary, print to a Kinko’s in the destination city.  (And while I’m on a rant, why the hell do people always ask for FAX numbers.  Faxes are so 1985.)

Waldo also left a briefcase containing our metal and glass display rack.  Boy Genius didn’t send this with the demonstration materials, and now expects me check it.  So much for my doing a carry-on. When I arrived in Awesomeville, the bag is missing from the carousel.  In the “lost luggage” department, I see it sitting way in the back.  It’s completely destroyed and apperas as if it fell from the plane.  Really, it’s that bad.  I call Waldo to get an estimated value for the case plus rack, and file a claim with Awesome Airlines.

Two hours later, I check into the posh hotel and ask if they have the packages waiting for me.  They don’t.  Waldo gives me a name and signing date.  The hotel has never heard of this person.  I call Waldo again, “Did you send them to the correct hotel?”  On a lark, I walk over to the meeting hall and ask around.  Lo!  The materials are there:

• A 5′ tube containing our pretty visual display (only it has the 2006 model year plumbing facilities).  The zipper on the tube failed sometime during the Eisenhower administration.  The seal is maintained by pounds of clear tape.  I have nothing to cut with, so I ask the hotel for scissors.  The unfurled display is 7′ tall, half occluded by the table top we’ve rented.  I set this up in a corner, blocking the line of sight to one of my competitors, returning the favor from a previous event.

• A fourth-generation Dell Workstation box held together by layers of clear, duct, and masking (!) tapes.  The box has lost all of its rigidity, making it extremely hard to wield.  In fact it was easier just to open it there with the hotel scissors, pull stuff out, and drag it across the hall.  Whomever packed this — and I have a good guess — literally threw everything in there half-assed.  The black table cloth with our company logo is wadded up, impregnated with hundreds of loose staples that fell out of the box of office supplies.  A set of 3×5 note cards is strewn along the bottom of the box, hard to pick up without occasional impalement from staples.  There are also a stapler, scissors(!) and a roll of clear tape.

The supreme irony is he sent all of this via second-day air for an event that was approved over six months ago.   Bat Crazy Doris went, well, bat shit crazy when she saw the invoice.  Doris normally does all the shipments with an eye towards frugality.  Waldo waited until she was out of the office before convincing someone else to do the shipment.  Even more incensed was the Vice President of Whining, three heads above Waldo’s spot in the organization.  Waldo is apparently going to receive the “job threatening performance” review when he’s back from vacation.