The glass is halfway delineated

The most recent Employee Survey was just completed and the results presented to the board. It was hilarious watching them downplay the huge upswing in various satisfaction metrics due to the absence of the Vice President of Yatta Yatta. The raw comments were posted, sans any specifically mentioning his real name or “that ass clown.”

I had a weird dream that night. In it, I had to describe him in positive-sounding terms, but I was able to employ my sarcasm stasis field. This was my top-ten list:

• “He knows even more about marketing than he does engineering.”
• “He’s been the only person able to drive the tradesmen to consensus.”
• “He’s demonstrated creative ways to reward employee effort.”
• “I cannot say enough nice things about him.”
• “He was a shoot-at-the-hip guy.”
• “Meetings run shorter.”
• “His voice projects well.”
• “He elevates those around him.”
• “The precision in his spreadsheets is unmatched.”
• “He has a keen eye for icons, fonts and charts.”