Team Destiny

February 6, 2008

There were few opportunities for pranksterism with a three bulb stop light, but as it is reporting bogus status, and is hung right outside my door, I felt I must try.

I wrote a script to make it cycle randomly through all combinations of bulbs. It drew a few furtive chuckles from the people who knew I’d likely be the one toying with the BM’s most significant contribution to the company bottom line. The next strategy was more subtle: set the light at “state zero,” i.e. unplugged, where it remained for two weeks until someone turned it back on. That someone was not the BM.

So to review:

• the stop light is supposed to convey something important.
• it’s positioned at the “intersection” of the hallway such that every engineer would walk by it at least twice a day.
• the person in charge of the stop light doesn’t even notice it’s inoperative.
• Its usefulness is ______?

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Bucky, the Support Manager, is in charge of the team of five. I’ve seen him come in around 9:55, do a walk around with his direct reports, then give (to the entire group) a confused re-interpretation of what his directs told him earlier. His direct reports rate him well; however, I’m not so sure that isn’t based on Bucky’s staying in his office cave, leaving them alone.At our weekly product reviews, Bucky is always visibly impatient to get back to work. Thinking he was very busy, we accommodated his request. Unfortunately, he missed out on a lot of things germane to his team. Like: we are no longer carrying Koehler Toilets because the Toto Drake is outstanding, but he has Wonder Boy scheduled for Koehler training.

I didn’t appreciate how poor his work ethic and preparedness were until he went on vacation for three weeks, designating one of his people to sit in on and provide support updates at meetings. The contrast was stunning: Chuck gave us great visibility into which technical difficulties our customers had, he stuck around after his report, and, best of all, he actively participated on the team. We were finally starting to “gel” as a group… then Bucky returned.

It begged the question, what does Bucky do all day? Out of curiosity, I sifted through our CRM system. Number of customer contacts in the last three years: zero point zero.

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In the wake of El Jefe’s departure has been a substantial reorganization. Bucky’s reports are allocated to individual teams, however Bucky is still their manager. An infrastructure team was created, led by him. The other teams had a collective sigh: they’re relieved that Bucky’s not on their team, but concerned that he’s in charge of something they might actually depend upon. And: reporting to Bucky is the BM.

Captain Sarcastic: Bucky, when can I have the 3/8″ wing nuts?

Bucky: Let me ask my guys and get back to you.

Or:

Princess: Bucky, I need to know when the reinforced flex hose will finish inspection. I can’t do anything until it’s done.

Bucky: Why don’t you ask the BM.

Princess: [Shudder] Okay.

Later, when the BM is in his office…

Princess: BM, will the reinforced flex hose pass inspection?

BM: Let me get back to you at the end of the day.

Princess: [Shudder] By ‘the end of the day,’ you mean today, correct?

BM: [blank stare. Processing... processing... processing...]

The team’s received less than flattering nicknames: Team Misfit Toys. Team End of the Day. Team Unaware This Is A For-Profit Business. I prefer Team Destiny.

Bucky returns from vacation today. Consensus is split among whether Bucky steps up, continues to slink along, or gives his notice. Meanwhile, the BM has continued to occupy space under-deliver. As much as I would like to say something, It’s Not My Project. I hope one of the other managers gets upset enough to say something.

Update: Bucky has called in “sick,” extending his vacation.