And the winner is…

We recently held a contest where we asked people to send us examples of their work.  The best two would receive a precious metal-plated toilet seat and we would feature their work in future advertisements.

Today, the marketing person was to call the winners.  He had some issues with Mr. Second Place:

Marketing Person: “Hi this is Marketing Person from [Captain Sarcastic Corporation].  I am trying to reach Mr. Second Place.”
Second Place: [fifteen second pause]  ”I he.”
Marketing Person: [realizing English might not be a first  language.]  “Um, yes, well, I want to thank you for the contest entry and congratulate you on earning a brass-plated toilet seat autographed by Captain Sarcastic Himself!”

Marketing Person gets off the phone, puzzled at the complete lack of excitement.  He sends the sales critters a list of the winners with the preface “do as you’d like.”   Liz, the tertiary reseller rep, rushes over to him with a mugshot — yes, mugshot — of Mr. Second Place: he had just been indicted.

Marketing Person: “Hi this is Marketing Person again.  Um, I’m not sure how to ask this, so I’m just going to be blunt, are you the same one who was just indicted for [what it is he did]?”
Second Place: [ten second pause]  ”I believe I have made some mistakes, but am getting better.”

The punchline is we cannot/do not want to feature his work because of the linking with felonious activity.  We will still award him the brass-plated toilet seat.