Below is an example itinerary for the type of presentation that occurs at the Executive Club. Club Members are allowed to bring one (and only one) guest to each month’s soiree. An email asked “Is Captain Sarcastic interested in attending?” There were two answers I wanted to give:
1) Sure, this will provide fodder for my blog for at least six weeks!
2) Can I throw up on you now?
Because I don’t want this to be easily googlable, I have changed some of the wording, but the structure and message are pretty darn close to the original. Frighteningly so.
VALUE-CENTRIC DNA: DEFINING TRAITS OF A WORLD-CLASS ENTERPRISE
The presentation has the Money Title. What business abhors value? (None!) What business wants to be world class? (All of them!) He links both with DNA, which is like sooooooo science! This reminds me of an incredibly stupid book someone gave me a few years ago that used the term “Marketing Physics.” It, too, contained a secret code in the back that offered a computer-based assessment of your go-to-market plan.
In this engaging and enlightening presentation, Con Sultant offers pearls of insight on how the planet’s elite companies use the value experience to boost business performance and create distinction in the marketplace. Important issues covered include:
- The key characteristics of the planet’s leading value-driven companies
- Building an organization built for excellence
I didn’t make that second bullet up at all.
- The link between mission statements, company culture, and value-driven experience
- Dispelling the five greatest myths in value-driven service today
- The five things every customer must be able to say to become unswervingly loyal
But to keep the “science” (note my use of air quotes) from being boring, the information is distilled into a set of lists, unverifiable anecdotes and parables. Lists are fun!
Con Sultant reveals the little-known and strategic reasons why certain companies have transcended their industries and become the benchmark nirvana for achievement in the field of value excellence. Whereas other programs merely speak to case studies on what premier companies do differently, Con Sultant offers practical experience and an insider’s perspective from his important work within the galaxy’s best.
So at this point, I’m wondering what this miracle worker’s qualifications are. Segue to the supplied biography:
Biography: Con Sultant is the founder of Extreme Performance Strategy Awesomeness Group, a consulting firm specializing in value service and enterprise etiquette. He is a former director of submerged container weaving and Executive Whisperer for the [Awesome Brand Name Company You Only Wish You Had The Money To Do Business With, Though You Wouldn't Because You'd Rather Pay Your Mortgage And Feed Your Cat] and was instrumental in launching a new [Famous Vendor] store. Sultant has been training professionals for more than 12 years and the [Awesome Brand Name Company] that achieved a #1 rating in Excellence under his training and thought leadership.
How fortunate for us that this guy just happens to run his own consulting company. Do you think it’s possible that his organization would be willing to accept our money in exchange for his help? Bueller?
