Use it or lose it

Late last year, we were approached by a customer who had a pair of gold-plated toilets for which he wanted covers. We have fluffy covers for plastic, wood and stainless steel, but nothing that would match gold. Especially a his and hers pair.

We could certainly invest the design time into making them if there was a market, but this is the first time it’s ever come up. As we have a lot of other work to do, I was unconcerned. Unknown to me, El Jefe thought this was “critical.” He lobbied for and received a budget allocation so we could buy a couple of toilets. To be prepared. Just In Case.

Today, he came by my office because he was distracted and realized he has unspent budget. If I endorse it, it’ll happen.

His cockamamie idea was to purchase four copper toilets to approximate the gold ones. I told him no. Frankly, it’s an extravagant use of money that we have better uses for, like: a translator for The BM’s ramblings, 100′ powered rooter to unclog “performance issues,” and training for the crew. Training is always an after thought with him, unless it’s something he’s interested in, like the “My Little Pony” Write Your Own Adventure book.
Of course, being a chronic master-debater, he argued that with the four, we could test different arrangements: four wide, four tall, or 2×2 stacked. (I suggested we line them up diagonally or in a circle. The sarcasm went over his head.) I was sensing his unlimited potential to make up “facts” when Ralph, the Director of Research, walked by. I pulled him in to dispel El Jefe’s claim that copper is just like gold. (Maybe to you, moron.) I thought it would be useful to also have an eyewitness.

I reiterated that this was not an important business for us to worry about now or for the budget next year. “We have other priorities.” Later in the day, I overheard the testers say he is proceeding with this.

I hate the idea of him pissing away money on a cockamamie idea based on his fragile grasp of reality. His comment about “not wanting to lose approved budget” also pissed me off. I ratted him out to Josh, the guy who’d procure these things.

Update: Josh says “He was going forward with things, but the conversations that he had later apparently convinced him otherwise, because he sent me an email saying that they were not going forward with it.  So even though it might have not seemed the case at the time, he actually might have been listening.”