Let’s take that issue offline

Because people are sick of dealing with El Jefe’s +2 spell of Time Wasting, project status meetings are scheduled around his normal working hours. Project Deep Space Nine, for example, has their regular stand-up at 9 a.m. , an hour before he gets in.   In the unlikely even the makes it in that “early,” they have a code phrase:

Let’s take that issue offline.

This is an abbreviation for the Pig Latin “oronmay inay oomray, eduleschay extnay eetingmay ithoutway imhay.” All so they don’t have to be bogged down by his meddling.

—

I spoke with my dad for the first time since September — I’ve been that swamped with work — and related the high-level Tales of El Jefe. The big question I had was why, if this shit has been going on over a year, has the company not done anything yet?

My dad conjectured that El Jefe negotiated a golden parachute. It makes sense. Imagine he was perceived as an A+ player. As he is naturally inclined to negotiate everything — time of day, gravitational constant, number of potato chips in a bag — he asked for the moon. They may have given him a piece of it, where “the moon” is a metaphor for “cushy severance package consisting of six months’ salary, a year supply of Turtle Wax and/or instant vesting in stock options.”

This is all speculation. If I think too hard about it, I may be sick.

Now, if the company revenues are good, management are leery about rocking the boat by making a radical change. (Unlike some places.) Instead, they will try to shore things up by sending El Jefe to remedial classes. Or bring in third-party mediators. (Yes, mediators.) Or have him noodle on a proposal for the technical direction of the plumbing sector. (And no, Educated Minion, no engineers were involved.)

—

Several weeks ago, the results from the third quarter survey were presented with this money quote:

• If you have questions about your department, please ask your manager.

Whoa. They might as well post on in the break room:

Dear little people, Good luck getting the dude you consider dishonest and untruthful in communications to be truthful and communicate the results of the survey! Have an ice day!

I was hoping someone would have asked him during a department meeting. But alas, no. The bad results should be known, though.

The fourth quarter survey went out last week. Its questions are identical, sans the questions about benefits. (Because, at the end of the day, everyone likes benefits.) According to preliminary results, El Jefe’s division is slightly happier than they were in last quarter’s survey, but not enough for spontaneous dancing in the halls.