The Pointy Mane of a Hirsute Micromanager
In advance of the off-site, annual strategy shindig, Cliff conducted an anonymous survey asking the following questions:
- What [is the company] best at?
- What [does the company] suck at?
- What would you do if you were starting a competing company?
- Please leave your name so we can follow-up personally.
Every time I’d carve out a swatch of free time in my schedule to craft thoughtful responses, someone would walk into my office. El Jefe was the worst because he’s among the handful of those feel compelled to invade my personal space by walking into my office and behind my desk, looking at what I’m working on … as if to check that I’m writing some kind of sarcastic, cathartic blog.
 From Scott Meyer’s “Basic Instructions” |
It’s probably just as well. The survey was not an appropriate venue to reiterate what I’ve already said many times over. Besides, my unique way of writing and speaking1 would be a dead giveaway. A coworker offered the brilliant suggestion that I ask a friend or relative to write their own interpretation of my creative missives. Next time!
Before the strategy shindig, Phil, the facilitator, made rounds, meeting with individual participants. He asked me “what important issues do you think the company needs to address?” I closed my door and gave him the high-level version, choosing my words carefully: El Jefe’s driving his division into the ground.
Phil had many follow-up questions as he tried to ascertain whether or not I was a disgruntled employee.
- How do you know this? The information “fell off a truck.”
- Why are you concerned? He’s fucking up. If it’s not addressed, soon, there will be an exodus of talented people. I don’t want that to happen.
- How many are “at risk”? A third of his organization.
- Is Cliff aware of this? Yes.
- Has he done anything about it? In one particular instance, he is addressing the symptoms, but not the underlying disease.
- Do you think El Jefe has ADHD? I’m not a physician. I cannot answer that question.
- What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? African or European?
Phil came back a few days later, surprised how well others corroborated what I said. He said he’d broach the issue during our meeting.
Fast forward to Thursday. There was some miscommunication on when things were set to start. Everyone was there at 8… except Phil, who for some reason thought we were to start at 9. While he was mired in traffic, Cliff tried getting the group fired up by going over the common themes from his survey. (Hooray for transparency!) Near the top was “hope that management would address the morale problem.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. We know what they mean.
When Phil arrived, we did some warm-up exercises, including learning more about why the founders started their own company in the first place. Phil set up an exercise where we were to divvy up the top seven issues among small groups. The catch was the groups should, ideally, be composed of people whose job would nor ordinarily have purview of that issue. Guess which issue I had? Bonus question: who, in my group, got to present the results to everyone else?
Okay, if you guessed “Addressing the morale/employee retention issue” and “Captain Sarcastic,” you win a year’s supply of Turtle Wax. My partner, the Vice President of Sales, wanted to spend only a few minutes on the actual work at hand before gravitating towards “let me bend your ear about…” ideas he has on how we can make more money. Stay on Target, Red 5.
It took all of five minutes to wrote my main points on a 3×5 index card, but I drew a blank on how to broach the issue. As tempting as it was to go kamikaze — “El Jefe should be put out to pasture” — I saw nothing but downside for me doing it this way. I rewrote my 3×5 sheet of paper. I did it again, using my other hand. I doodled. Brooding continued through the rest of lunch.
When we reconvened, I took a breath, uttered a Captain Sarcastic, and let my mind watch my body doing the waltz, foxtrot, and quickstep as I framed the problem:
- According to the worldwide survey, the “Morale Problem” is most pronounced in El Jefe’s division.
- Business wisdom is a good manager can handle up to six direct reports.
- He has way more than six direct reports.
As my mind settled back into the corporeal, I wondered if I was copping out. I quickly moved onto the proposed remedies. (That discussion will have to happen another day.) Then there was a lot of Q&A: It’s adopted from a previous employer. I don’t know, I only had an hour to think about this. If the model works well, sure, why not. That is certainly a future consideration. I haven’t finished the Lean book, but it concurs, then it must be a good idea.
The group took a break. Phil called me aside to note how the group’s questions and body language indicated strong interest in the specific suggestions. Cliff came over to hit me on the arm with an “attaboy.” El Jefe congratulated me right in front of Cliff. You bet your ass that was akward.
The Vice President of HR wants to meet with me to discuss a proposal for implementation.
Footnotes
- Run-on sentences, fancy words, arcane metaphors [↩]
