User Stories
Last year, I enjoyed the luxury of having a team dedicated to getting stuff done. We did, and company revenues were up 20%, even in the shitastic economy. When we undertook large projects, I’d write up a cursory description of what needed to be done. The group would meet, ask clarifying questions — sometimes pointing out things I missed — then they’d implement it. For small items, I could simply write up the work order as:
Fix all leaks in the overhead cold water pipe by 3:00 p.m. tomorrow.
It’s specific, measurable, testable and understood by the workmen. They’re professionals and can do their jobs.
The VP of Yatta Yatta, hatched from Consluting LLC, is convinced he knows The One Way to do my job, and this is to specify things in terms of a “user story,” more specifically, rewriting everything into a “Mad Lib” template:
As (a consumer of this)
I want (to do something)
so (I can achieve some benefit)
This is merely verbal repackaging for large features. But for small ones, especially repair work, it’s a colossally stupid fucking waste of time. I protested to my boss, but el jefito is currently Cliff’s Golden Child, slowly infecting the company with using his litany of meaningless jibber-jabber. (I swear, every fifteen minutes he says “circle back” and “dialed in.”)
I’ve had difficulty writing these user stories without sounding condescending.
As the homeowner who paid [us] good money to do this job
I want you to un-fuck up this bad weld
so I don’t pull the pipe out of the ceiling and start beating you upside the head because my drywall is oozing onto my bed.
After pacing around a bit, I eventually settled on:
As the homeowner I want the leak fixed so I don’t get wet.
It has the benefits of being less specific and stupid.
I’ve also realized the biggest problem with hiring a dyed-in-wool consultant as a full-time employee in charge of a group is the he strives to keep his former cronies employed, like this email he sent tonight:
At our plumbing roundtable yesterday, I promised to circle back on possible TLA training and/or coaching. Today, I was over at the [my previous consulting shop] and ran into the brain-trust of consultants: John Smallberry, John Yaya, John Bigboote. They were actually in a conversation about how to evolve their TLA offerings so we ended up going to lunch and trading notes on Sarcastic Corporation and their approach to TLAs. I think they are dialed into many of the issues we are dealing with, so I expect we can put something together with them fairly soon. Stay tuned.
If you’re not part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
